Getting Back on the Game
To be brutally honest, it's been weeks, nah months, since I've had the pleasure to indulge in my dark, twisted and invariably misunderstood perversion. I've missed my trips to faraway wooded locations where I could roll carefree in mud and slop, writhing in an orgy of flesh, frolicking with toys crafted from carbon and aluminium, content in the knowledge that I'm not alone in this revelry of profuse sweating and heavy breathing, creating, in unison, a cacophony of grunting, yelling and squealing which would intermittently rape the innocence of the natural surroundings.
The bootie call came from Jetblack HQ a couple of nights before. Two participants were not enough for the seedy task that lay ahead. To persist at the required intensity, a third was needed. After contemplating a long solo 7 hour effort to announce my comeback, the opportunity for some wholesome threesome fun seemed far too good to refuse. I quickly agreed, wondering whether the three months of inactivity caused by an operation that had caused untold damage to my groin would ultimately affect my performance. I left for my rendezvous destination filled with trepidation, hoping I would not disappoint and I would indeed be able to rise to the occasion.
Nathan was first to jump into action and his opening lap was a solid 33 minutes. Grant, not to be outdone, put down an identical time and I suddenly realised that my two buddies were completely in synch. It was now my turn to show them what I had and, as I threw my leg over my machine, it was hard to hold back my nervous anticipation. I managed to contain my initial exuberance and pumped out a potent rhythm, channelling my excitement through my core to clock up a 32 minute lap. This was a great indicator that I had made a decent return and I was still capable of holding my own in such esteemed company.
 Alotta Fagina | Nathan, not to be outdone, thrust his machinery into overdrive, and came back with a 31 minute lap, which proved he was still the team leader and the one we still needed to revere. As Grant left for his second lap, we couldn't help but observe the exertions of another Jetblack threesome, Nuts Galore, possibly named with the double entendre of James Bond's sexual conquests, Pussy Galore, Honey Rider, Holly Goodhead, Octopussy and Austin Power's Alotta Fagina, in mind. Ian Anderson, Dave Pickles and Shad Haous looked impressive and we knew we were in a fight to try and better their performances. |
| As I waited for Grant to come through, news emerged that Pickles had crashed and would subsequently be taken to hospital with head and rib injuries. There is always a danger at these events that someone can get hurt and our thoughts turned to his safety and well-being. Ian and Shad fought on valiantly and made light work of their absent accessory. |  Honey Rider |
Temperatures were rising, and the action started to heat up. For some, it was all too much and they decided to pull out before they would push boundaries too far that they would later deeply regret. For the rest of us, we continued to sweat and expend the last remnants of energy. As I finished my threesome's 12th lap, my partners seemed content to let me finish off the day with a double. I rose to the task in hand and thrust my body into a final 36 minutes of exertion enabling us to come second in the General Classification, first in age and fifth outright. I left Mt Annan a spent force, having given every sinew to the cause.
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